Telegraph Calcutta

This Happened And That Happened


Some things we need not be told. Or need not be told at a time. Or be told at another time. When there is the need for them to be told; it’s what some folks also call being told on a need basis. Those needs, it is becoming apparent, have begun to arise. And we have begun to be told. In dribs and drabs. Did you know this happened? Did you know that happened? But did it? Oh! But we were told all the time that nothing happened in NothingHappened? So something happened? Really? Even during the long drought of NothingHappened? Is that so? But of course. Has it not been said that in order to understand the present you must first understand the past?

Actually, the thing is a lot of what has happened now and should not have happened is because of things that happened during NothingHappened. And as a matter of fact a lot happened during NothingHappened that has caused what should not have happened to happen today. For instance, NumberWon and NumberToo would not have happened if things that caused them to happen had not happened during NothingHappened. And NumberTlee, well he would not have become NumberTlee if there had been no NumberWon and NumberToo happening ahead of them. Get the sequence of things? It’s simple and straight. Just do the count right for the present: Won; Too; Tlee. Now let’s go back to the beginning when NothingHappened and get a swift inventory of what happened.

Mahadeb happened, of course. He happened during NothingHappened and, in fact, vanished when NothingHappened had been abrogated. It did appear to some, actually, Mahadeb vanished almost as part of the abrogation of NothingHappened. It is a complex affair trying to figure the connection between the two — the whys and the wherefores — but there is the evidence of coincidence. But to just add a word of caution and correction here, Mahadeb is far above notions of evidence and coincidence; he may well attend, from time to time, both but he is defined neither in part nor in whole by either at any given time. Mahadeb is Mahadeb. Wherever he is. And he is. How can Mahadeb not be. Especially if we still are. Puny creatures filling up newspaper columns, and reading those somehow filled up columns.

But, as very often, we digress. And digression is a terrible thing in the one leader, one idea, one flag, one party, one objective norm we have adopted by majority vote. Thirty some per cent, but that counts enough in the FPTP system.

First past the post, you get the drift. Of course you do; you celebrated its great virtues in 2014, even though you knew how sorely outnumbered you were.

Well. Anyhow. That’s how we are. That’s who we are. Majoritarians with a minority vote. So there. But we had things before we came here. Things happened in NothingHappened. This whole cantankerous line that we have to fire along and keep protected all the time happened in NothingHappened. You know, where people die every other day, and that sort of thing, and we make slogans out of them and then make many votes out of them. Then this Mirkash business too. Such a headache. But such a profitable one. Bash one Mirkashi, or kill, and you get ten votes in return, if not more. All the Mirkashis, such a migraine, but really, such a crop of riches. And this whole Bandal thing. The Bandal that wanted to travel reservation class. And the Kabandal thing, the one that wanted to bundle everything else out and become the One thing. These happened during NothingHappened. Bandal and Kabandal. And we are fortunate we can play with both. When Bandal does not work, we play with Kabandal; when Kabandal looks as if it cannot be encashed, there is always Bandal. Play one. Play the other. Play one against the other. So many things happened in NothingHappened, it must be conceded. Even dollars. And look what we did. We made things happen, in contrast to NothingHappened. We made the Rupaiyah climb on the dollar line it had never climbed before. To the extent that we may now explode. But wait. We have a bigger exclusive, errr… explosive.

Because, you see, the big bum

That too happened

Bole bum, bole bum

Parmanu bum, too happened.


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