LazyEye, Telegraph Calcutta

Bahut Shukriya, Badi Meherbani

Kadam choom loon yaa ke
Main aankhen bichhaa doon
Karoon kya ye meri
Samajh mein naa aaye.

Isn’t it so? Good. Very good. This is how I expected it to be. This is how I was told it would be. By my good friend. You know who. Did you get that? You didn’t. I bet you didn’t. Because you don’t want to. I know. You are fake folks. You peddle fake news. I know. You lie. You’re liars. Your record of lying, we all know. Of course we know. Don’t we, people? Now get me the applause. There. Right. Thank you. And now do it better. Get me the applause of ten million tonnes. That’s what I was told. Ten million tonnes. Such a good thing. Not that I am unused to big tonnage, but this is good. Very good. Thank you. It’s beautiful. I’ve flown all the way, it was a beautiful flight, half way across the world, they tell me. They are good people. They tell me true things. Very few people do. Most people tell lies. They are fake. You know that. You know. Of course you know. They call me BlondieDuck. And I don’t mind that. I don’t mind what you call me because I am all here. And you have faith in me. I have done beautiful things. Wonderful things. Things that nobody has ever done. Things that nobody managed to do. But you know what I have done. It’s all so beautiful. I don’t mind a bit of this and that. This BlondieDuck thing. I can live with that. And my Duckess, look at her. Hmmm. My Duckess. And my Duckling. And my Duckling’s Duck. They’re all here. All such wonderful people. You can see them. Beautiful. We’ve all flown half way across the world. In a bigger flying thing than ourselves. It’s big. We’re big. We like big things. Beautiful things. Like all the millions of tonnes that have turned out. It’s been beautiful, this welcome. Wonderful. Just as promised. We knew. But we wanted to see. I am a dealmaker you see, I make deals and when you make deals you must verify. Many tonnes. Many millions of tonnes. Thank you. You’ve given us a fabulous time. Toadie, my great friend, thank you. Such a great friend, you were the only one on my mind when you took me to the memorials of other men. I am taken by you, Toadie, I would rather not recall a Gandie, even if it was he who was meant to be recalled at that place at that time. I like you. I really do. And that’s what liking does. You forget the rest, you remember your friends. That’s what friendship is. Howdy-Dowdy? You do me a good thing. I do you a good thing. Wonderful. You’ve done good things. I’ve done good things too. We’ll do many good things, I know. We are dealmakers. Wonderful people. It’s been such a party. Such a wonderful party. A colourful party. A monumental party. I know you may not have built that monument we went to. But you sent us there. It was beautiful. Me and my Duckess had a lovely time. So good. So beautiful. No bad people around. No fake people. Thank you. It was wonderful. We will do wonderful things together. I can sense. Such a short time, but so many wonderful things. Beautiful. You like Umerrikaaa, great country. And we have made it greater. That is in fact my slogan. MUGA, Make Umerrikaaa Great Again. I’ve done that. And now we have to go. Say goodbye. It has been a wonderful time. Beautiful people. We have not done too much together. But we will. In the time to come. I know it’s going to happen. Wonderful things are going to happen. I see fires. Oh celebratory fires, must be. We deserve a bit of celebrating. I hear cries, loud cries. Oh they must be folks crying their greetings. I see smoke. Oh that must be that smoke. They are signalling us goodbye. Fire. Cries. Smoke. It’s all in the distance. Could also be things that happen with that thing, what’s it, climate change. Yes when the climate changes, things happen. We’ll see. Au revoir. Time to go. To you your own.

Okay, if you must. Aaa galey pad jaaa…

Or then,

Kadam choom loon yaa ke

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